Brag Book!
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Monday, March 3, 2008
I'm not too sure why I would pick a sunflower in the winter. I guess the shoots or peeking out of the ground crying for spring and I felt the need for a sunflower in my life. My life is crying out for spring. Winter has cast a dark spot in my soul metaphorically speaking. I have never experienced so much pain in one year. Maybe I have forgotten if it has ever been this bad. I am usually one to find blessing in whatever may happen; however as I see the sunflower crave the sun and see it facing the
sun - I know, I know that I must seek the Son as well. Maybe to write it will help me get through it. To speak to God as I write this blog.
Not Why but How God? How can I cope with a daughter who will die from her muscles shutting down. How can I cope with this house that is not finished? How can I cope with manipulative people who have caused so much pain in our lives and lied and hurt our family. How can I be a support to my family who are still grieving for Nicole?
How can I trust you more? When I first learned about Nicole's disease I said ok God I know that you have entrusted her little life with us and I will help her through this time Lord I will make her life the best it can be. You said, "will you love me still if I give you more to bear?" "Of course Lord, I will I said." How much more I say now? How much? I know that there are worse things to bear. I see the news, I see the pain people endure. I want to give you all I am Lord. I know sometimes that there are things that will happen. I always knew something would happen to Nicole. My heart would beat fast and sharp breath would escape as if I was stabbed. I would look - look at this little girl and Know that it was not good what would take place.
I want to become closer to you Lord but I fear that I may know more or see more if I do. i know I have a jumble of thoughts and emotions right now. Is this me seeking your son? I realize that you want our family close. It has become closer as it once was in this past month. The pain from manipulation and lies has stopped, that has been so awesome. Thank you God! I know you have much in store for our family. I want to give it all to you! I want to poke my head out of the ground and seek, seek your son!! Please help me!
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