This is kind of in a response blog to a friends blog... Did that sound right.. I suppose I try really hard not to focus on puncuation at these times and to just enjoy the flow of writing! For pure joy!
I was thinking about church and how my family and I have not been for many months - well actually almost 2 years. I seem to always use a scale to represent my thoughts and actions in life. If I am balancing in literal terms it would be in the middle.
Church is not in the balance right now.
I suppose I have given up a bit on church.
I do find that profoundly sad. I love Jesus and
want to fellowship with others- in fact I love being with people a lot!! I have just grown weary of the Black and White and finding my balance to be grey. There is so much judgement in the Christian body. I just felt judged from someone at the church we had been going to and it was at the time my daughter was diagnosed with a disease. The strength was not in me to build up that adaptability and positivity to the situation. I was struggling to gain balance for myself and my family. The strength was no longer in me to bounce back and be Alanna.
I feel sad that this has happened and I want to go back to church. I miss it in a lot of ways! Sadly, I am a little scared to go back. I know our family needs it.
I am not sure who wrote the song ; Something Beautiful, Something Good . I know there is something beautiful and something good in every situation ... I just want to find it so I can go back.
1 comment:
I totally get how you are feeling. If you've gotten very far in my blog you know I've struggled with the whole church thing too. No judgment here! We had an insanely rough year last year and I am just now starting to be okay with going back. I'm not there yet, but God is patient :)
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